Thursday, May 06, 2010

CERTEZA

What am i supposed to say about me, and my own little (or big) failures; trying not to fall on my self created cliché, where i put my self so down making it hard, not to be picked up but to get back on my feet by my self. I go to sleep every day then wake up, stay in bed most of the day, kind of eat something, kind of do something productive, kind of … all day long!!!
Can’t help to feel guilt and remorse (not that sure about remorse) about staying home all day long and not moving a finger to do mostly shit. Is it really my decision? Did I lock my self in a dark room a long time ago and threw away the key?. I like to think of me as a walking statement (I enjoy justifying my self like that), it’s not only not having a job, going against a stream (don’t ask me which one, or do), refusing to do most of the things regular people at my age does, but most of the times the impression that I get is I am wasting my life away all because of my own statement; but then again am I really doing that? Do I prefer to hear my self complain about this or about my shitty job and my shitty paycheck , instead I chose to complain about the opposite a while ago…
On another kind of guilt, the one that holds me back and keeps me from finishing things I start, also discovering that I often fool my self, and an image or a chat opens up my eyes making it impossible for me to carry on. So I need to find a new way to validate every single action that I take on; need to stop romanticizing situations and people, I need to portray the situations on its whole grey scale. There is more that only one face to every single thing in this world, but I don’t want to care about the faces, I want to care about the things that propelled a gesture or a mannerism…
There is no ideal situation or ideal plan for that matter, instead there is the uncertain, there is a calculation that can be made of the damage produced by our decisions, but in a way (my way) besides that uncertainty there is expectation. And whether right or wrong I shall close a few doors during the process.

3 comments:

Txus said...

chanclas chavas chales y chotas (que en todos lados matan civi-less).

i get the feeling....

saludos a las oscuras calles de noche (y de dia) de por alla.

Anonymous said...

releyendo el blog de pablo allison me tope con algo que saltó de la patalla "sin futuro" decia...me parecio demasiado a doc con la semana y definitivamente i got the feeling too, "need to stop romanticizing situations and people" eso es certeza y no chingaderas.Gracias. Paulina, también del tercer mundo..

SIN FUTURO said...

Así las cosas en el tercer mundo.
ANIMO DELINCUENCIA!!!